tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84222109386276712412024-02-19T01:16:10.194-05:00Wit, Wisdom, And bullshit: Absurdity In AmericaBored? Then check out this shit bitches. Everything you want in one convenient place.Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.comBlogger190125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-28783332679149709682011-03-22T13:45:00.000-04:002011-03-22T13:45:53.166-04:00Sadly, your host and beloved social commentator (Me) was abducted by aliens. They have finished all studies and tests on me so I should be returning soon. Luckily, I was caged with Jessica Alba, they may or may not have studied how humans mate. My furlough was almost too much to handle and I can't wait to make a full return.Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-45258163421765148192011-03-08T13:36:00.000-05:002011-03-08T13:36:06.617-05:00Rahna Reiko Rizzuto abondons family. The media celebrates her?Right, I haven't been around much lately. I'm just not talented enough to be getting paid for this so I'm short on time sometimes. But, I did catch this article today <a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/the-opposite-of-a-tiger-mother-leaving-your-children-behind-2460982/">on yahoo</a>. <br />
<div> </div><div>To sum it up, Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, author of "Hiroshima in the Morning" decided having a husband and kids was far too much of a hassle. So, like any reasonable human being, she told her husband to fuck himself, then told her kids to fuck themselves (I'm paraphrasing) and she took off to Japan, to write a book, and now be glorified for abandoning her family.</div><div> </div><div>Is our country really shitty enough to glorify this despicable woman? Am I the only person who finds this lady so terrible? I need some help with this one, I hate everything, you guys know that, but I fucking love family. I cant imagine just waking up one day and saying fuck you to everyone I've loved. </div><div> </div><u><span style="font-size: large;">Experts from the article</span></u><br />
<ul><li>"I had this idea that motherhood was this really all-encompassing thing," she explained on the Today Show, where she was talking about her new memoir, "Hiroshima in the Morning." "I was afraid of being swallowed up by that."</li>
<li>she had an epiphany: She didn't want to be a full-time mother anymore. When she returned to New York, she ended her 20-year marriage and chose not to be her kids' custodial parent.</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
<div> </div><br />
<div> I think this lady sucks. What do you guys think?</div><br />
<div> </div>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-57902235136235930892011-02-28T16:04:00.004-05:002011-03-01T13:34:23.825-05:00People Really Watch Award Shows Still?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn-www.i-am-bored.com/media/trentreznoroscars.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" l6="true" src="http://cdn-www.i-am-bored.com/media/trentreznoroscars.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-84452287723038475332011-02-23T15:01:00.002-05:002011-03-01T13:36:44.900-05:00Judge tells Lindsay Lohan plea deal will mean jailLOS ANGELES - A judge told Lindsay Lohan on Wednesday he would sentence her to jail if she accepted a plea deal from prosecutors to avoid trial for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace from an upscale jewelry store <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Lindsay%20Lohan/lohanx.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll admit, she looked damn good. Totally bangable.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Keith Schwartz tersely told the troubled starlet what she could expect if she pleaded guilty or no contest in the felony case.<br />
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"If you plead in front of me, if this case is resolved in front of me, you are going to jail," Schwartz said. "Period."<br />
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<a href="http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.ap.org/judge-tells-lindsay-lohan-plea-deal-will-mean-jail-ap?nc">Judge tells Lindsay Lohan plea deal will mean jail (AP)</a><br />
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It'd be so great if she went to jail. The mean girls in prison would herbie the fuck out of her love bug. If only the judge and or God loved me enough to put her in an awful prison. Not the kind with big boobs, tickling, and pillow fights (This exists doesn't it? I saw it on Cinemax!) I want to see her in the kind of prison, with women that look like Chyna and Drew Carey, that eat pretty little blondes for breakfast, figuratively and literally.Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-65315823380709170472011-02-14T13:05:00.001-05:002011-03-01T13:40:01.246-05:00Valentines DayValentines day is clearly a mechanism of the coporate machine. But today isn't the day to bitch about that (that day is probably tommorow). Today, all of the love vibes even have me feeling positive. Imagine that.<br />
<br />
Despite all the gimmicks, the marketing, the commercialism, If theres 1 thing this world needs - its a day of love. <br />
<br />
I love my valentine, We've been together for almost a decade (8 years), we're strange as fuck (together 8 years even though we're only 23), and perfect together.<br />
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I hate just about everything about everybody. Today is all Love, baby. Go out, make somebody fucking smile and enjoy the day. For just one day, I love you all. Tommorow and the rest of the year, you'll suck again.Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-64669927100927808012011-02-11T13:46:00.001-05:002011-03-01T13:41:15.278-05:00The Cirlce Of Information Dissemination<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/witwisbs%20used/circleoflifeconsumer.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eat up and don't ask questions. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-7644905542331530602011-02-10T11:04:00.001-05:002011-03-01T13:42:23.605-05:00Celeb. Whale Tail Wednesday<div align="left" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><u>Eliza Dushku</u></strong></span></div><strong><u></u></strong><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;">Granted, she doesnt look great in this picture, I fucking love Eliza Dushku, not everybody can look perfect in their natural environment. She's jsut out biking, doing her thing, repping the sox, and flashing her thong. Thats a full on public service right there - Being envrionmentally friendly, and being boner friendly. </span></div> <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/91115w1_dushku_b-gr_01.jpg" width="323" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Notice the Red Sox hat? Hell yeah, that's whats up.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
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<strong>What it actually means:</strong> actually, completely, indisputably, precisely, really, rightly, truly, indisputably, verbatim, <b>not figuratively</b>, or much simpler terms - FUCKING LITERALLY.<br />
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I’m sorry, but nobody gets this one. It’s used as inappropriately as Alanis Morrisette’s “Ironic” (not right at all.) Do you know how many people have said to another person when they first saw The Human Centipede, "I LITERALLY died"? A fuck load. I hear this shit and I think to myself, am I Bruce Willis or is this person retarded? Unfortunately I wouldn't look that good bald. Literally, means that it actually happened. Not exaggeration. Using a word to exaggerate a concept by misusing the real definition of the word, that just isn't cool. It literally isn't.<br />
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<strong>Idiot Scale of those who use this word (1-10):</strong> 8 >> This is one of the worst word mistakes you can make. It happens far too frequently and there is literally no need for it.<br />
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<strong>Punishment deserved:</strong> For now on, when someone says, "I literally *****", make them literally do it. If they say, "I literally eat dog shit", shove shit in their mouths - that's all that's coming out of it anyway.Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-86626476219272496472011-02-08T15:04:00.001-05:002011-02-09T09:22:35.083-05:00<a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I usually dont get into this cheesy shit. But if somebody wants to go out of their way to tell me they appreciate what I do, then Im going to go out of my way to thank them for that respect. The chick who put this murderer on acid looking thing together goes by thundercat832. Shes funny, talks about sex, insults people, and generally makes a mockery out of everyone and everything. On top of that, she writes kick ass murder stories. Show her some love or she will fuck you up. <a href="http://thundercat832.blogspot.com/">Colorful Rants of A fed Up Sista</a> (Clearly a place youd find me) and <a href="http://www.hotcopper.blogspot.com/">Hot Copper Chronicles</a> (Again, she covers murder, as in, shit getting fucked up bad. Its graphic, someimes gruesome, and sometimes a little funny)</div> <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeQLL_bjovYI6nfGn9DnC8niTm-fk2ORP-PJHOzDiZLjA544e26pCrXbTsnyu0IYihdoj11XFKr_kQvO_dCXsc18h18hrAMzx9rHp26eG1cLgXEQB4uN0B4cCc_Bp7uP5FoHkwqEPIz_M/s1600/MAKESMESMILE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" h5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeQLL_bjovYI6nfGn9DnC8niTm-fk2ORP-PJHOzDiZLjA544e26pCrXbTsnyu0IYihdoj11XFKr_kQvO_dCXsc18h18hrAMzx9rHp26eG1cLgXEQB4uN0B4cCc_Bp7uP5FoHkwqEPIz_M/s1600/MAKESMESMILE.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, the last time I saw some shit like this, I was tripping balls.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-49338603531465573272011-02-07T09:00:00.003-05:002011-03-01T13:45:38.101-05:00Mom Of The Year, Issue #20 Facebook edition #2MOTY #20<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Mom%20of%20the%20year/mompayin4it.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, the baby got a mother, a shitty one, now it's paying for it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-66976228825230536652011-02-04T08:00:00.002-05:002011-03-01T13:46:36.948-05:00Famous People Eating, issue #2Miley Cyrus - NOM NOM NOM<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="301" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Celebrities/Celebrities%20eating/celebrities_eating_30.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Messy Ice Cream is great for the munchies. Good Choice Miley.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-69272520668480971012011-02-03T16:03:00.003-05:002011-03-01T13:47:57.487-05:00Qatar kicks off the World Cup in 2022.I don't even like soccer, I am an American and all. But I noticed this picture and couldn't help but point out the fact that it looks like a giant space vagina. The world cup in 2022 will be played in giant space vagina.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static1.travelandleisure.com/images/amexpub/0019/3485/201012-w-visionary-qatar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="336" s5="true" src="http://static1.travelandleisure.com/images/amexpub/0019/3485/201012-w-visionary-qatar.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Washington Monument finally found a partner.</td></tr>
</tbody></table> Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-30351754813088218972011-02-02T08:26:00.003-05:002011-03-01T13:49:15.566-05:00Stupid Tattoo Of The Day, Celebrity Edition.T-Pain. You suck.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Celebrities/Celebrities%20looking%20at%20things/tpaintattootwitter.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trust me I dont. And now, I might actually hate you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-9435729519301215602011-02-02T08:00:00.002-05:002011-03-01T13:50:12.964-05:00Celebrity Whale Tail Wednesday, issue #3<div style="text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-size: large;">Jennifer Garner</span> </u><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Celebrities/Celeb%20thongs/celebrity-thongs-18.jpg" width="292" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wish she was holding a different kind of ball.</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-8013959767949800212011-02-01T09:00:00.003-05:002011-03-01T13:56:06.131-05:00Celebs In Yoga PantsDear Yoga pants creator - You are the master of the Universe. You're able to transform a woman's ass into a thing of beauty. You have the ability to make the average day so much better. I don't know how you did it, but keep up the good work. You are a hero. You, Mr. Yoga Pants Creator, should be king of earth. Props to all the girls in yoga pants, we love you.<br />
<br />
I've gathered some of the hottest celebrities rocking these pants in public. 12 hot girls rocking yoga pants after the jump.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Kim Kardashian" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/4idl5-1.jpg" width="271" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It would be a crime if I didn't include <strong>Kim Kardashian</strong>, even if we've seen her ass 300 million times.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Jessica Biel" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/tnjbgym10.jpg" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Jessica Biel</strong> might be the hottest chick in the world.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Eva Longoria" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/tnEvaLongoria.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Eva Longoria</strong> says, "Eat your heart out Tony."</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="jennifer_love_hewitt" border="0" height="320" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/jennifer_love_hewitt_spandex_arse-0.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Jennifer Love-Hewitt</strong> has great breasts. I officially hate sweaters right now.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="sophie monk" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/tnsophiemonk.jpg" width="281" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Sophie Monk.</strong> Honestly, all I know about this chick, is that she looks like this. And thats enough for me.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="kate hudson" border="0" height="320" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/tnKateHudson.jpg" width="194" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Kate Hudson</strong> has sprinkles for boobies, but the rest of her comes correct. Smoking.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="kristin bell" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/tnkristenbell.jpg" width="276" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Kristen Bell</strong> is looking perky.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="anna-kournikova" border="0" height="320" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/221069d1258666709-anna-kournikova-off-gym-miami-yellow-shirt-black-yoga-pants-anna-kournikova-off-gym-miami2.jpg" width="228" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Anna Kournikova</strong> - tennis misses you and your assets to the game.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="heidi montag" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/msg-126452288567-3.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I dont care that <strong>Heidi Montag</strong> is Franken-Bimbo, she's a hot Franken-Bimbo.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Vanessa Hudgens" border="0" height="320" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/leaving-a-yoga-class-in-studio-city-september-12-2010-pic56207.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I would watch High School Musical for eternity for 1 night with <strong>Vanessa Hudgens. </strong></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="reese witherspoon" border="0" height="320" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/176603d1239707195-reese-witherspoon-thight-black-yoga-pants-r_witherspoon_yoga_big.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Reese Witherspoon</strong> being all sexy and Reese Witherspoony.</td></tr>
</tbody></table> <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="cameron diaz" border="0" height="400" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/chicks/Celebs%20in%20Yoga%20pants/camerondiazgym.jpg" width="251" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strong>Cameron Diaz</strong>, I dont even know what to say. Youre like 40 and Id still bang you. Amazing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-4243414959979868252011-02-01T08:00:00.008-05:002011-03-01T13:57:10.131-05:00Only In America, Issue #9Land of the free home of the brave<br />
<a name='more'></a><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Only%20in%20America/mancheatlegtv.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The short answer: Probably.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-80597964056126046632011-01-31T09:00:00.003-05:002011-03-01T13:58:00.670-05:00Mom Of The Year, Issue 19, Facebook edition.MOTY #19<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Mom%20of%20the%20year/facebookannounceabortion.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Im pro-life, but seriously, in this case, I might make an exception.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-35091829335865203002011-01-28T09:00:00.003-05:002011-01-31T10:03:18.612-05:00Only In America, Issue #8Land of the free and the home of the brave. <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Only%20in%20America/hookerjesustv.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In all fairness, Jesus was a guy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-63447717074584062882011-01-27T09:00:00.002-05:002011-01-31T10:01:32.696-05:00Famous People Eating.Nom Nom Nom Nom<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="320" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Celebrities/Celebrities%20eating/BETTY-WHITE-HOT-DOG.jpg" width="232" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That might be the sexiest thing I have ever seen. Or maybe my dick will never work again. It remains to be seen.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-43836155166669192252011-01-26T15:53:00.001-05:002011-01-31T09:57:55.466-05:00Your Lyrics Suck, Issue #1 Ke$ha<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Ke$</span><span style="color: white;"><span style="color: white;">ha</span> is the latest inexplicably popular musician, despite having no talent.</span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a> If music was football, she would be Trent Dilfer. KeKe$ha is physically disgusting, she looks like a young John Travolta in drag. It looks like she dove in a dumpster. A sticky dumpster. Her album is called Cannibal. And she claims this song was inspired by teen suicide. Honestly, shes doing a disservice to people who have committed suicide because she is just awful. Ke$ha is gross. She is gross, gross, gross, and probably smelly. She sings about gross things. She's a talent-less version of Lady Gaga.<br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Hot and dangerous</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Yes, a deadly combination, especially combined with her immense stupidity. Does she have a gun? I hope not.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">If you're one of us, then roll with us</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">If you have absolutely no sense of self respect or intelligence, you're like her.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">'Cause we make the hipsters fall in love</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">She likes the company of faggy effeminate looking men who may or may not wear the same size pants as her.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">And we've got hot-pants on enough</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I'm not even sure what this means aside from her liking outdated fashions.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">And yes of course we does we're running this town just like a club</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">No Ke$ha, you are not the mayor or the club owner, you don't run shit. </span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">And no, you don't wanna mess with us</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Is true, she smells really bad, don't get too close. And she likes to wave her vagina around. Watch out.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Got Jesus on my necklace-ess</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Shes extremely religious.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<em><u><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So far, from what I can tell, shes a Christian mayor from the 70's that may or may not smell like ass. Lets continue.</span></u></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">I've got that glitter on my eyes</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">That's probably bad for her eye sight. Which would explain her choice in clothes.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Stockings ripped all up the side</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Rough sex is appreciated.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Looking sick and sexy-fied</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">A supermodel with cancer? I'm pretty sure sexy-fied is a made up word.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">So let's go-o-o (Let's go!)</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Go is emphasized, that means shes super serious.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Tonight we're going hard, hard, ha-ha-ha-hard</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">More emphasis on ha-ha-ha-hard?</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Just like the world is ours, ours, ou-ou-ou-ours</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Okay, now I feel bad. This woman has a stutter. She says words repeatedly for no reason. I mean, initially I thought emphasis, but no. Theres no reason ours needs to be said 3 times.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We're tearin' it apart, part, pa-pa-pa-part</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">From what I can gather, shes probably opening a bag of chips. Otherwise, THAT STATEMENT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">You know we're superstars</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Drugs help.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We are who we are!</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">She's terrible.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We're dancing like we're dumb, dumb, du-du-du-dumb</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Finally, she admits shes retarded.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Our bodies going numb, numb, nu-nu-nu-numb</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">She woke up in a bathtub full of ice after having her kidney stolen.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We'll be forever young, young, yo-yo-yo-young</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Not without that kidney. Also, aging is an inevitability. And you're going to die eventually.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">You know we're superstars</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I'm assuming she smokes meth.</span></em><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We are who we are!</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">We've learned she's retarded, has one kidney, does drugs, likes chips, has a speech impediment, has glitter induced blindness, doesn't mind appearing malnourished, is a vampire, likes rough sex, is religious, and cant put together a coherent sentence. </span></em><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><span style="background-color: black;"><img alt="used" border="0" height="320" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/witwisbs%20used/kesha-lollapaloozaaa.jpg" width="229" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black;">This is about as serious as she gets.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="background-color: black;">DJ turn it up</span> <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Even shed rather be deafened than hear her own music.</span></em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="background-color: black;">It's about damn time to live it up</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I'm assuming this means you should party, go to clubs, drink, do drugs, and fuck a lot.</span></em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="background-color: black;">I'm so sick of being so serious</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Let's be clear on this, she has never been serious, ever, in her entire life, just look at her.</span></em></div><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">It's making my brain delirious!</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I'm just impressed she knows a 4 syllable word.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">I'm just talkin' truth</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">What? This sentence has no subject.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">I'm telling you 'bout the s— we do</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Here's a hint, she does it on the toilet.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We're sellin' our clothes, sleepin' in cars</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">A drug habit can be a hell of a thing.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Dressin' it down, hittin' on dudes (HARD!)</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Physically abusive. Knows how to rhyme words (poorly), even if it doesn't make sense.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">I've got that glitter on my eyes</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Stockings ripped all up the side</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Looking sick and sexy-fied</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Upon hearing it a second time, it sounds twice as retarded.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">So let's go-o-o (Let's go!)</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Shes basically yodelling now.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Tonight we're going hard, hard, ha-ha-ha-hard</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Just like the world is ours, ours, ou-ou-ou-ours</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We're tearin' it apart, part, pa-pa-pa-part</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">You know we're superstars</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We are who we are!</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I guess she wanted to hammer that point in again. I have nothing else that can be possibly said.</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We're dancing like we're dumb, dumb, du-du-du-dumb</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Our bodies going numb, numb, nu-nu-nu-numb</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We'll be forever young, young, yo-yo-yo-young</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">You know we're superstars</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We are who we are!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">DJ turn it up up up up up up up up up up</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">DJ turn it up up up up up up up up up up</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">DJ turn it up up up up up up up up up up</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">DJ turn it up up up up up up up up up up!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We're dancing like we're dumb, dumb, du-du-du-dumb (yeeeeaaaahhhh)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Our bodies going numb, numb, nu-nu-nu-numb (yeeeeaaaaahhhhh)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We'll be forever young, young, yo-yo-yo-young (yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">You know we're superstars</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">We are who we are!</span><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Okay, now shes just making shit up as she goes trying to fill the last 90 seconds of the song. Why is she still here? She should be handcuffed to a bench. Second, again with the stutter? Really? No. This isn't a stutter. This is fucking Tourette's. This song is so bad it is physically hurting me. </span></em><em><br />
</em><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">In conclusion, Ke$ha is a dangerous alcoholic. It's like she was drunk the entire time - when writing, when singing, whenever she was awake. My god, Ke$ha should be imprisoned. There's nothing more to say than</span> its what you would expect from someone who believes a dollar sign is interchangeable with an 's'.</span>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-53397160658886187132011-01-26T09:52:00.003-05:002011-01-31T10:35:43.025-05:00Celebrity Whale Tail Wedsnday, Issue #2<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>Britney Spears</u></span><a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Celebrities/Celeb%20thongs/8britspears-1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nobody else can expose their poop top quite as well as Britney Spears. </td></tr>
</tbody></table></div>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-84278537312250794002011-01-25T09:24:00.001-05:002011-01-31T10:05:16.165-05:00People Looking At Things - Issue #1Damn Obama, you scary.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i793.photobucket.com/albums/yy214/Mbennett228/Celebrities/Celebrities%20looking%20at%20things/sword.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nothing to see here, just Obama, holding a big bad ass sword. Where does your pres rank on the bad ass scale? Mines at a 10.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-37426646576670114402011-01-21T13:38:00.001-05:002011-01-31T10:05:43.081-05:00Octomom Fetish Video - Safe For Work.Those poor kids.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ulIZtIit94E?rel=0" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
I think this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. WTF happened to just doing playboy?Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-88674592055583772662011-01-19T14:15:00.002-05:002011-01-31T10:27:49.262-05:00Terrible Sex Advice Issue #1.Sex on the beach.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Sex is awesome. The beach is equally awesome. Therefore, sex on the beach is fucking awesome! Wrong, so wrong.<br />
<br />
Sex on the beach sounds hot and romantic, doesn't it? It's so great they even named a slightly effeminate drink after it. Then again, they also named a drink the Irish Car Bomb, so yeah. It's a popular scenario in the movies - you've seen it, the stars, the waves, the night sky, the love - it's beautiful. And it's a dirty lie, literally and figuratively - We'll get to that.<br />
<br />
First, as anyone who has ever had sex at the beach can tell you, sand sucks dick (Not in a good way.) Anyone who has ever been to the beach at all can tell you how terrible it feels to have sand in your shoes. Multiply the feeling, and move it from your shoes to your vagina. Now how do you feel about sex on the beach?<br />
<br />
And right now you're yelling, "What about blankets, towels, ponchos, I can keep my ass off of the sand itself." Sure, you can keep it at bay, enjoy the sex and deal with a little clean up later without too much discomfort, but the sand is getting to you. Do you know whats in that sand? Bacteria. And when it comes to bacteria, a little goes a long way. Beaches around the country get shut down due to high bacteria levels in the water. Research done by some really smart people <a href="http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/news/top_three/article_f7fc3d3c-7591-11de-9d59-001cc4c002e0.html">(scientists)</a> has shown that <a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/07/0729_050729_beachsand.html">sand is collecting</a> big, dirty loads of that bacteria. If you're sexing away, naked and sweaty, chances are some of this bacteria is finding its way in to your body.<br />
<br />
And bacteria can seriously fuck your shit up. Especially if its <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escherichia_coli#Therapeutic_use_of_nonpathogenic_E._coli">E. Coli</a>, oh wait, it totally is E. Coli that they're finding! - and it <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faecal_coliforms">originates in feces</a>.Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8422210938627671241.post-13997082348631520492011-01-19T13:16:00.001-05:002011-01-31T10:08:22.723-05:00Common Sense Advice. Issue #1.A stupid persons best friend.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<ol><li>Never cook bacon while naked.</li>
<li>Don't try to eat a live bear unless it's already tied down.</li>
<li>When getting stomped by a motorcycle gang, do not get blood or other fluids on their motorcycles. It's considered rude.</li>
<li>Not every blue liquid tastes like blueberry.</li>
<li>Cotton socks do not make good oven mitts.</li>
<li>Don't touch the metal parts on your pots after it's been on the stove. They are hot. Always.</li>
<li>Just because a chapstick smells like cherry doesn't mean it tastes like cherry.</li>
<li>The smoke detector is not a cooking timer. </li>
<li>Never go into your parent's bedroom in the middle of the night.</li>
<li>Always finish what you st</li>
<li>Never lick a steak knife.</li>
<li>Never buy discount condoms.</li>
</ol>Hannibal Lecturehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05148099676417626101noreply@blogger.com1