Things to do at Walmart.

Walmart HQ. Built from the souls of 10,000,000 aborted babies and the tears of panda bears.

WalMart (aka WehrMacht and Fartmart) was the fifth of the Seven Plagues of Egypt.

It began in 1312 BC when Moses said to Pharaoh, "Let my People Shop," and Pharaoh said "No," so God created WalMart in five and a half days as a curse to punish the ancient Egyptians for their great wickedness.

Unfortunately, in modern times, the curse, after laying dormant for many centuries, has been re-awakened in the United States by the first Antichrist of Arkansas, Sam Walton.

Sam Walton was a man with a dream. A dream to create a monster that would engulf the souls of Americans and some Mexicans. Sam Walton began to follow his dream during the war but really didn't get rolling till he opened his first store in 1950. Sam's values were very apparent from the beginning. He always underpaid his employees and made them give sexual favors for promotions. He hired undocumented workers from Mexico to clean and stock his stores and work in tightly cramped factories to make bad products for under minimum wage so he can undercut his competitors in price. In one visit to a new store in 1973, Sam Walton met a small Chinese woman with her four-year-old son. She began to talk to Sam Walton about giving her son a job. Sam Walton hadn't thought of using children until then and this woman opened a new door for him. He then rushed back to Arkansas and made a Collect call to China. This program has received two thumbs up from Saudi Arabia, Stalin, and the entire population of Iran, all of which are thriving capitalistic countries.

The world population will be doomed to slavery as long as irresistible $5 DVDs are sold at Walmart.

Get back at the evil entity. Here's a list of fun filled activities to do at Walmart that doesn't involve shopping.

1. Two words: Marco Polo.
2. Take shopping carts, fill them, and leave them at strategic locations.
3. Randomly throw things over into other aisles.
4. Make a trail of apple juice on the ground leading to the restrooms
5. Ride a display bicycle through the store and claim you’re taking it for a test drive.
6. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long." See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
7. With friends, form a line that leads to nothing. Act like you’re all excited about something. See how many people who walk by will come stand in it.
8. Use the handicap/fat people electric carts for Walmart Nascar.
9. Start playing Calvin ball.
10. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something steal their cart
11. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 4 in electronics.”
12. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink and a snack.
13. When two people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
14. Put condoms in the mannequin’s hands, and cigarettes in their mouths.
15. Switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.
16. Practice your Madonna look with various funnels from the auto department.
17. Hit on the elderly.
18. Hit the elderly with your cart.
19. Convince the senile elderly that you're their grandchild. >> Bonus if they buy you something.
20. Stand in front of the Preparation H. Ask everyone who walks by which hemorrhoid remedy they prefer.
21. One word: STREAK!
22. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5 minute intervals throughout the day.
23. Excessively use anything thing that says Try Me.
24. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that your a mannequin. When someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done.”
25. Re-dress the mannequins.
26. Go into a fitting room and, then yell, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
27. When there are people behind you, walk really slow.
28. Put M&M’s on layaway.
29. Move Caution Wet Floor signs to carpeted areas.
30. Set up a tent in the camping department.
31. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry.
32. Use the toy weaponry to battle your friends.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock.
35. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
36. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
37. Play with the automatic doors.
38. Play soccer with a group of friends..
39. Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
40. Leave small sacrifices in the hands of the mannequins and mock pray; Tell people its to appease the Walmart.
41. Use the toy weaponry to battle your friends - but add shopping carts and make it a joust.
42. Try on Halloween costumes and keep character.
43. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man cries inside,” in an eerie voice.
44. TP as much of the store as possible.
45. Follow people through the aisles.
46. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"…I’m Walmart Man HUZZAHH."
47. Nap on a very large shelf.
48. Pay off lay aways fifty cents at a time.
49. If you're a man, walk around carrying ladies underwear.
50. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation
51. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts.
52. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers.
53. If a little kid comes over wanting to use the rides, start barking at them until they run away crying.
54. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
55. Ask an employee which lube is best for anal sex.
56. Walk up to the customer service and order like it's fast food joint.
57. Act like your about to cry and ask people if they've seen your mommy.
58. When your alone, have loud conversations with your multiple personalities.
59. Start dancing like mad. Basically, just do Elaine's "little kicks".
60. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store.
61. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department.
62. Put lingerie in the men’s department.
63. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts.
64. Light a match under a sprinkler.
65. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.