I want Facebook to die.

Facebook has jumped the shark.

I want Facebook to die.

Also.

Mark Zuckerberg - I want to kick him in the nuts.

And for the record, I'm on Facebook far more than I should be. A conscientious objector in the Armed Forces of Facebook. A revolutionary perhaps, a dissident within the walls of Facebook itself.

Facebook...

What started out as a social networking site for college kids has somehow turned into a cesspool of self-absorbed way-too-old-to-be-fucking-around-on-Facebook adults who think that the rest of us actually give a shit about what they're drinking, eating, thinking, reading, watching, and/or are listening to every five minutes. They post their top 5 records, movies and TV shows. They post "25 Random Things About Me" lists. And they tell us constantly what they're "fans of." One person is a fan of "grilled cheese."

What have we come to when grilled cheese has its own Facebook page?

Facebook is a fucking wet dream for narcissists. It's overcrowded with attention starved adults screaming "Look at me!" all day long. They change their profile photos as often as I change my underwear, and they've somehow convinced themselves that their lives are interesting all the time. These people need an audience and Facebook gives it to them.

Peoples statuses...

It's full inane ramblings like "Frank is at Stop and Shop," "Jessica is sick today," "Jason is bored hit me up," "Dan is hungry," "Krissy is tired," "Leslie just had casual sex," "Lisa's ass hurts from bicycling," "Mike is going to PARIS!!!," "Andrew really loves tater tots," "Sam wants Dunkies," "Stefanie is napping," "Ellen is on her period," "John is getting shitfaced," "Steve is going to have sex tonight while simultaneously participating in intervenes drug use."

Somebody please shoot me, shoot me now.

Also, I don't like you / know you in real life - DO NOT FRIEND REQUEST ME.

It's useful to someone like me - in the sense that I can poison my friends "news feed" with my blog URL and if they like it, they can poison their friends "feed" with it.

But lets be honest, that's not why people use it (or twitter).

People use social networking sites to feed into their ego with 1200 "friends" - Have you even talked to that many people in your fucking life? 10,000 pictures of yourself, I get it you're really hot, but I only want to see the slutty pictures so you can cut it down to just the 3000 slutty pictures you drunk, weed smoking, slut. What the fuck. Have some self respect. Even men and ugly chicks have 2000 pictures. Why?

1. Do you realize random strangers can see you? (You're too stupid or naive to change privacy settings)
2. Why are there pictures of you drinking and doing drugs? (Booze and drugs are fine, but don't broadcast it, it doesn't make you cool)
3. Why are you half naked in half of these pictures? (Please post more bra pictures, thanks)
4. Do you really think i care that you played beer pong last weekend? (Seriously, beer pong is lame, just drink a fucking beer kid)
5. Do you realize these pictures will be floating around the web for ages after you've long stopped using Facebook? Are these the pictures you want floating around? Do you even want pictures of you floating around the web in the future? (It will be great for your kids to be able to look back on your party days)
6. I know you have a child, why are you always half naked and drinking? (Drink responsibly)

Photo Categories: 

I'm a slut, I'm a mom, I'm an artist, I'm a party girl, I know I'm not the hottest so I've gone with the arty photo, I'm really hot and I know it, I'm smoking weed so I must be cool, former high school athletes, etc..

Reasons to hate Facebook:

1. The apps - I don't like any of them and they generate more spam than people have gone to jail for.
2. Redesigns - People like it already, don't fuck with it.
3. Privacy and Content Ownership - Privacy invading 'beacons' and the TOS change are two examples. Of course, the really bad things got reversed after a mass-fit. The sheer fact that Facebook tries to implement things that clearly invade user privacy and rights to their content hoping the users won't notice completely sucks. And on top of that, you post it - Facebook owns it, should we have to give them the rights to our thoughts and pictures just to use their service? -- (My pops happens to be a computer security expert check it out.)
4. Impossible to delete your account - My girlfriend made a Facebook early on and didn't like it, so she deleted it - She comes back to give it another chance and SURPRISE, the account was never deleted. When I'm done using your service, I should have the right to be DONE using your service. No I don't want you to keep all of my pictures and information.
5. "Poke" button - I refuse to have a "poke" war, stop being fucking stupid people.
6. "Lost my phone event" - People make these and invite 500 friends. You have 500 people planning on calling you? You're not a rock star, relax.
7. Friend "suggestions" - I'm 100% sure I've never met 99% of these people in my life.
8. 300 Notifications - I wish I didn't like that status..
9. The game-players - If I get one more person trying to turn me into a vampire or a gang member I'm going to lose my shit. (Family feud rocks though .. ugh)
10. The people constantly trying to get you to join petitions or show up at events or educate all of his/her "friends" about various social issues - If I want to be nagged and lectured, I'll talk to my parents.
11. The people who constantly post new photos of themselves - Unless you're naked and female, I'm not interested.

I've officially lost all faith in humanity.

 

Don't friend family members.

 

 

And of course, being a bastion of integrity, I've admitted I am a Facebook user despite my obvious dislike, here's the things I enjoy about Facebook:

 

1. If you really do need to find someone, it seems the whole world is on it.
2. I would have never remembered to call my sister on her birthday without it. (Sorry Sis)
3. The "business networking" aspect of it.
4. Sometimes a useful piece of information will cross the news feed.
5. Still a somewhat useful way of staying in touch with people, guys don't always like to call eachother, a quick wall post is much easier.

And, I'd hate to miss out on comments like these.