Much needed Sex Ed lesson: Porn is not your friend.

Sex Ed (for Boys): Porn is not your friend.

Young men, you're in your teens now and that means already you've seen several thousand hours of Internet porn. Many of you will soon engage in your first sexual encounter, having no practical instruction beyond those videos.

Unfortunately, what you see online only represents a minuscule segment of the female community. I'm not saying that you'll never find a girl who doesn't mind a sticky load on her face or being called a filthy slut while being spanked by a riding crop. What I'm saying is that everything you see in those videos, including the ones that claim to be "reality" porn, is there specifically because real women are not like that. These videos fill a gap between fantasy and reality.

Now that you've seen everything from plain Jane sex to Brazilian fart fetish porn, you need to understand what flies in the real world.

What Not To Do:

• Do not try to pull her hair out of her head.
• Do not slap her ass like you're beating the shit out of someone.
• Do not expect her to beg, in the real world, you're the one begging.
• Do not immediately point your dong toward the anus. (Bonus advice - It hurts both you and her)
• Do not put on a porno involving 4 guys, a girl, and a parrot - It will not turn her on.
• Do not ask her if she likes double penetration.
• Do not call her a slut, whore, bitch, etc.. excessively (You might get away with 1 or 2 - MIGHT)
• Do not attempt to create your own gonzo porn at home.

Points of Advice:

• It's a vagina, not a slab of meat you're trying to tenderize.
• If your first spank does not succeed, do not, DO NOT, try again.
• If shes kind enough to felate you, do not shove it down her throat, gagging is not sensual.
• All women are different, practice makes perfect, and the practice is going to be a lot of fun.

Situations that don't occur in real life:

1. Hot teacher gives you extra credit via an oral exam.
2. Hot secretary does anything to please you.
3. Hot nurse gets turned on by your boner and has sex with you.
4. Hot sword wielding female ninjas kidnap you to be their personal sex slave.
5. Pulled over by sexy cop and forced to please her.

Situations more likely to occur in life:

1. I got drunk, she got drunk, we had sex.
2. She got drunk, we had sex.
3. I really like her and she really likes me so we finally had sex.
4. I lied to her until she was convinced it was a good idea to have sex with me.