Making decisions: Should you get a tattoo?

Okay ladies and gentlemen, I'm not just here to give funny little insights, I'm also here to help you. We always face decisions in our lives, some big and some small. And if you are ages 17 - 27, you've probably thought about getting a tattoo at some point, maybe even right now. But there are a myriad of questions that you have to ask yourself: Will I still want it in 10 years? Am I too fucking drunk right now to make this kind of decision? -- Those are typical questions that should cross your mind. I'm going to take it a step further, here is a flow chart to help you decide if its a good idea, or if you're just an asshole.



And of course here are some hilarious pictures to show you what not to get, under any circumstance. Im fucking serious, if you get any of these tattoos, I will encourage people to pee on you. ---Check out that link, strangest wiki page I've ever seen.


Synopsis: Tramp stamps in general usually end up being a mistake (not always), but fucking handle bars, this isn't even a tramp stamp, it's a please come fuck me stamp (and of course she is showing it off proudly). If your a guy, and you meet this chick and you see that tattoo, it would be like fucking christmas morning or the super bowl, except better since you know you're about to get laid.

List of people dissapointed in you if you get this tattoo: Parents, grandparents, future children (if a guy decides he can make a hoe a house wife), friends, co-workers .. Okay, everybody you have ever met would be both ashamed and disgusted. Seriously, do not ever get this tattoo.

Number on the mistake scale (1-10): 12, yeah it only goes up to 10, but this deserves to be off the charts.

Oh and just a side note in 2009 a Barbie with a tramp stamp was released. Yup, Barbie, corrupting little girls since 1959.


Synopsis: I have different reactions to different tramp stamps. Usually I find them annoyingly cliché or over the top skanky. Occasionally I’ll like one that’s cute or clever. Never have I seen one and thought, “Too long; didn’t read.” Until now.

People dissapointed: Society, and tattoo haters. Friends and family will think your IQ is less than broccoli, but they probably wont be ashamed of the tattoo.

Mistake scale: 3, It's fucking stupid, but on the plus side, it's the least sluttiest tramp stamp I have ever seen.


Synopsis: Finally a man on the list. It's almost clever, better than god damn arm pit tattoos of naked women. It's all fun and games now, until Tiger Woods pops out of no where and starts puncturing your liver.

People disappointed: Nobody, you are a very sad and lonely man, you have nobody to love or care about you. You never had (and now never will have) a woman in your life, I'm guessing your parents lost all hope in you a long, long time ago. In 3 months he will have a dick tattooed on his index finger, so he can finally understand what love means.

Mistake scale: 9, you most likely will never have sex again because of that tattoo (at least not with anything worth having sex with), I hope it was worth it.


Synopsis: Some women opt for the perma-makeup tattoos, since putting makeup on everyday is a pain in the ass. I guess it sort of works the same way for being a skank. She should have gone for more attractive panties, the watermelon look isn't even sexy.

People Disappointed: Parents, other assorted family members, and Pope Benedict. Sadly enough, she's probably in the 18-24 age range, and all her drunk college friends probably like the tattoo.

Mistake scale: 6, Americans are fucking stupid (excluding myself), so most of the people who see this in everyday life will think they are actual panties, and some guys will think it's sexy.


Synopsis: Oh jesus, I need a minute... Okay, this may be the first time ever, but I think the tattoos should be more ashamed of who they are on, than vice versa. Here we have two perfect examples of what a douche bag looks like. Seriously -- Pauly D hair style, check. Ed hardy T shirt, check. Lame forearm tattoos, check. Obvious tanning booth usage, check. I encourage anybody who see these two men to detain and sterilize them, please.

People disappointed: Down at the Jersey shore their friends probably love this kind of shit, I say we just give it and all it's inhabitants to Canada, let them deal with it.

Mistake scale: 10, not for the tattoos - the tattoos get a 7, but you two twat pancakes deserve a 10 for everything else about you. I hate you.


Synopsis: This man is clearly over compensating for the lack of size of his own member. And now, he can never wear shorts again, and his dick will forever be dwarfed and look pathetic next to his dick masterpeice. Hopefully this at least eliminates his chances of ever having sex again, then we can rest easy at night knowing his genes wont live on.

People disappointed: Every woman whoever sees your real dick, people with kids, and whatever wolf pack raised you (yes even animals find this pretty awful).

Mistake scale: 10, seriously, it's a giant dick on his leg, 'nuff said.



Synopsis: Stupid? yes. Crazy? yes. Will it stand the test of time? No. But, it's not slutty, or profane. It's a pretty happy tattoo. And I put it up mostly because I know my girlfriend will get a kick out of it. (I will totally tell you a funny candy land story about her in a later post)

People disappointed: Mostly just herself, and she wont realize it for another 2-8 years.

Mistake scale: Start at 1, because again at least it's not a fucking dick masterpeice, but add 1 for every year she has it. Eventually it will be a wrinkled testament to her lost youth, which will probably lead her to kill herself. (I know suicide sucks, that joke was in bad taste, but thats what I do)


Synopsis: Geekiest Tattoo of all time, hands down. Now everybody will know how much you love D&D, you've got to be fucking kidding me, that's the kind of thing you should keep to yourself. Not to mention the concert t-shirt. You're a grown ass man, stop wearing the concert t-shirts. Good luck finding sex in the future, I hope that being a virgin thing doesn't last too much longer... Spoiler alert: It will.

People disappointed: Me, and your your penis, he now knows he truly will never see vagina. All your friends will love it though (Im assuming), so maybe that counts for somthing.

Mistake Scale: 5, I don't get it and hopefully most people don't, but his inner circle of dwarves, wizards, and whatever fuck else they call themselves will probably make him king of their realm.
^^^ Ken Jeong - Hes a fucking doctor, no joke.


Synopsis: I'm starting to see a pattern here - girls, ladies, whatever you want to be called, stop getting tattoos proclaiming to the world that you like to suck dick. It isn't attractive. It might be cool, you know, when your fucking 18-21 and drunk, but eventually you have to grow up. Guys that aren't idiots will avoid you and the guys that find it sexy will most likely give you herpes or some other horrific STD.

People disappointed: Hopefully every sane person you know or ever meet because your probably fairly attractive, but most likely tainted. Gross.

Mistake scale: 10, I'm sure if you ever have kids they'll love to here about the night mommy got drunk, got a tramp tattoo, and had casual sex with a biker named Big Frank.


Synopsis: Yup, youre right it speaks for itself. Right in the middle of his chest - PUTAS - You've got to love it.

My guess looking at the surroundings he is in a prison yard, and his latest tattoo is probably being done with a rusty pin. I'm sure he's made alot of good decisions in his life.