Coffee >> Nectar of the gods.

The benefits of coffee

From lowered cancer risks to a sharper memory, more studies are showing that coffee is good for you. Regular coffee drinkers have a 39 percent decreased risk of head and neck cancer, according to a new study published in the journal Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers & Prevention. Those who drank an estimated four or more cups a day had significantly fewer cancers of the mouth and throat than non coffee drinkers, the study found.


**My guess is, California has the most douchebags per capita.

But remember...

America's favorite legal stimulant is so intertwined with society that everyone forgets it's actually a drug. Our collective amnesia likely stems from the fact that a Starbucks tall coffee contains 260 mg of caffeine, and caffeine intoxication kicks in at 250 mg. It's true, after tossing back your 2 morning coffees everyday, you're heading to work stoned.

Not as cool as you think.

Lest you think that you're a rebel for going to the office strung out on java, you know that you're still not as tough as the guy who steals office supplies. Severe caffeine intoxication sets in at 500 mg, so you're going to have to slam a black venti with a Red Bull chaser to get properly wasted.

Once you've risen to coffee-high heaven, you'll soon plummet to coffee-high hell. Symptoms of excessive caffeine include hallucinations, diarrhea, convulsions, vomiting and "confusion" (After your 10th coffee has you seeing pink elephants while shitting and vomiting all over the place, who isn't confused?).

Random fact

Voltaire drank about 50 to 80 cups of coffee a day for inspiration. This is not recommended unless you happen to be a French Enlightenment philosopher.

**This effeminate looking son of a bitch could handle his fucking coffee.

A story about coffee

I first arrived at the local starbucks to find a sea of people, most of whom had their Iphones in hand and were vividly discussing their next unpublished screenplay. After standing in line behind these yuppy assholes for 10 minutes I reached the counter. An attractive, large breasted, college age lady was working the counter.
"What can I get for you today sir?"
"A large cup of black coffee" I replied, having finally stopped looking at her breasts.
"Do you mean a venti?" She asked.
"No I want a large" I replied, clearly getting angry.
"Venti is large."
Now I know shes just trying to be a bitch.
"No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're retarded in three different languages."
"A venti is a large coffee sir."
"Can I please just have a LARGE black coffee."
"Would you like our anniversary blend, special blend, house blend, Sumatra, French, or Italian roast."
I was now extremely angry, "ask me another question"
"what?" she replied.
"MAKE ME A FUCKING CUP OF OF BLACK COFFEE!", I screamed as I hurled the closest bottle of water at her.
She began crying and said "Okay. That will be $4.03"
I handed her my credit card, she went to swipe it, and she had the nerve to ask me another question.
"credit or deb..." she trailed off as I reached for another bottle.
I grabbed my coffee, took a sip, then looked back at her. She ducked like I was going to throw it at her, but I didn't. After all it did cost me $4.03.