Dear Convenience Store Clerk,
You know me by name, I've been coming in almost every day for about 2 years. Stop carding me every single fucking time I buy a pack of cigarettes. You have seen my I.D. more times than I've seen my grandmother. You even know what brand of cigarettes I buy. I'm not going to lie, I'm never ever in a hurry, but this tiny hindrance has still grown to be an annoyance for me. I always have at least a little facial hair, I definitely look over 18, and the misery in my eyes can only come from the depressing, pathetic existence I've lived for 23 years. You're a polite guy. I enjoy our pleasant small talk and witty banter. You have that wonderful aura of kindness, dignity, and respect that many Indian gentlemen exude. But I swear to God, the next time you ask for my fucking I.D. and I have to fight with my wallet to get it out, I am slicing your fucking throat with it.
Your friend,
Michael "You've Known My Name For 2 Fucking Years" Bennett
I've had to buy cigarettes for my Mom a couple of times and I ALWAYS get carded for it. I even got carded for trying to buy Nyquil once? Can you believe that?
ReplyDeleteBut every time I go into the liquor store down the street they never ask for ID. It's weird. Like they don't mind selling me booze, but Nyquil at Wal-Mart? For the fucking love of God! :(
I HATE THAT! This one guy at the convenience store (who isn't so fucking convenient) cards me EVERY TIME! He knows my life's story, and still does it! I just wanna take a dump on his cash register :)
ReplyDeletesilly clerk...when will he ever learn.
ReplyDeleteHe'll learn after I fucking kill his ass. I really should stop fucking around and post something new today.
ReplyDeleteomg is it the rosemont guy? he is really nice, aside from the onion smell... but he cards me too!! grrr!!
ReplyDeleteI feel this way about being carded FOR R-RATED MOVIES. Dammit.
ReplyDeleteLor